Birth stories are so personal and at first, I was on the fence about sharing ours, but as with most things I've shared here, the opportunity to help other women navigate an experience always feels like the right choice for me. So often we hear horror stories of when things go wrong, but we don't celebrate when things go right...so here goes!
Let me start by saying my first birth experience was positive; I was induced, I was able to have a medicated birth as I intended and my son arrived safely into this world. But, the toll it took on me physically was something I wasn't prepared for and my postpartum experience was extremely difficult. I also had a 2 week bout of baby blues which coupled with sleep deprivation left me feeling pretty hollowed out. The road back was long and so I was prepared for a similar experience this time. I did my best to have an open mind, but I went into this pregnancy dreading the birth process and the immense amount of healing that waited for me after.
Because my son was such a large baby (9lbs exactly), I flagged early on to my doctor that this time I would feel most comfortable being induced ahead of my due date, the hope being that if I went in a bit earlier, the baby might not be quite as big this time. As my pregnancy progressed (and my belly got bigger and bigger...), my doctor agreed this was the best approach and scheduled me for an ultrasound appointment to measure the baby's growth around 30 weeks. At this point, Edie was estimated at 7lbs 1oz with 10 weeks left. Of course, that was just an estimate, but I felt fairly confident based on how I was feeling that she would be a big girl. So we scheduled my induction for 39 weeks guessing she was on track to be at least 9lbs if I was left to go full term.
At 36 weeks, I started antepartum testing and cervical checks - I was already 1cm dilated, but my cervix was closed. At my 38 week appointment, I was still only 1cm dilated and my Bishop's Score was a 5, so my doctor suggested we try Dilapan to help advance dilation the night before my scheduled induction. Dilapan are small sticks (similar to matchsticks) that are placed in the cervix to help you dilate. A friend had also used Dilapan with great results and I was willing to do whatever I could to help my body along to ensure a smooth delivery. So, the night before my induction, I went into the hospital to have the Dilapan placed. Quite honestly, the placement process itself was pretty uncomfortable, but aside from some mild cramping that night, I had no issues with pain. After we left the outpatient center, we went out for dinner at one of our favorite restaurants knowing it would be our last evening before meeting our baby girl!
My induction was scheduled for 7am the next morning, so we went to bed preparing for a long day ahead of us. I actually slept surprisingly well that night (despite the multiple trips to pee!), even though my mind was racing about giving birth the next day! It’s a really strange experience to have your due date set, vs just going naturally and being taken completely by surprise. I personally enjoy having it be less of a surprise attack, especially with another kiddo at home to organize care for. My Mom was staying with us to look after Charley and made us breakfast that morning before we left. We headed to the hospital while it was still dark out feeling anxious and excited. After 9 months of waiting, the day was finally here! Time to meet our girl.
We checked in to the Labor & Delivery ward and were taken to our delivery room; it was a really odd feeling, walking into a space and knowing that I was about to have a profound and pivotal life moment there. The sun was just beginning to rise and our room was huge and had a beautiful view. I felt so happy and at ease - it's corny to say, but there were very good vibes in that room and I was excited to welcome our daughter in that space.
After I changed into a hospital gown our doctor arrived so she could check my cervix and remove the Dilapan. I was already 5cm thanks to the Dilapan and had felt literally zero pain or contractions, so different from my labor with Charley! It felt great knowing I was already halfway to the finish line and I knew my body was doing what it needed to. Then, around 10am they started a Pitocin drip to officially begin the induction process. During this time, I felt restless...there's a lot of waiting around and you're pretty much trapped in your room. Getting up to pee is a process because of the IV and I couldn't really concentrate on watching a show. There really isn't much to do except…wait. We went for a few walks around the hallway to try and speed things up - I was still at 5cm with the Pitocin drip even though my contractions were strong and frequent. During my labor with Charley, I got an epidural as soon as I started feeling contractions, but this time, the pain was much more bearable. The nurses kept asking me if I was feeling the contractions as we watched the monitors, and I did feel…uncomfortable, but I kept waiting for some capital P type PAIN, and that never came. Throughout my pregnancy I had A LOT of Braxton Hicks, and these contractions felt like a ramped up version of those - concentrated, full belly tightening for a few seconds before things would soften. But I could breathe through them and ride it out. I'm normally such a wimp when it comes to any kind of pain, but so far, I was managing. Looking back, I honestly think my experience through cancer and chemo really prepped me to have a more Zen approach this time around. I’ve been poked and prodded so much over the years, I’ve learned to tolerate a lot more physical pain and mentally how to help myself through it. Still don’t think I could ever do a natural birth, but I was impressed with myself :)
Around this point in the mid afternoon, I started to plateau. The contractions were steady and strong, but I’d only reached 6cm. We talked with my Doctor and she gave me a few options; I could stay on the Pitocin drip and see how long it would take to dilate fully, or I could get the epidural, she’d manually break my water and basically, we’d have a baby. For some reason, I was hesitant to get the epidural. With Charley, I basically walked into the hospital and asked for drugs immediately because I was so afraid I’d miss my window, but this time, I kept waiting to pull that lever. I was leaning towards staying the course and asked what the downside of staying on Pitocin was. My doctor explained that the IV drip would just make me retain more fluid - it’s like she knew the magic word (the magic word is PUFFY). At this point in my pregnancy, I could only fit into one pair of shoes. My hands, legs and feet were SO swollen for weeks, I’d stopped wearing my wedding ring and the thought of MORE fluid pushed me over the edge. I called for the epidural right away.
If you’re new to giving birth, epidurals are wonderful and I highly recommend them. The process of receiving one is just that…a process. It involves an anthesiologist, nurses, your partner and a lot of deep breathing. It doesn’t work right away…but once it does, hold onto your hat! I don’t think I really realized how uncomfortable I was until the epidural set in and I suddenly felt amazing. I was relaxing with a popsicle when my doctor came in to check on me. Spencer was out getting himself a snack and so my doctor and I were just chatting. The next thing I know, she said “Ok, great, the fluid is clear.” Totally numb from the waist down and pretty blissed out, I hadn’t even realized she broke my water! I called Spencer immediately and he rushed back since we both knew things were going to start moving a lot quicker now.
My nurse was monitoring my contractions and told me if I felt the urge to push, I should call her. I wasn’t feeling much and a little while later, my doctor came back for another check. “Ok, you’re 10cm, I can see the baby, she’s almost here. Let’s get ready.” I’m sorry, WHAAAAAAT!? Up until this point, I’d felt virtually no pain and after my epidural, I deeeeefinitely didn’t feel pain. I’d gone from 6cm to 10cm in roughly 30 minutes - I was absolutely shocked. My doctor and nurses quickly got things organized (and I do mean quickly, Spencer and I barely had time to process!) and I was in position to push. It all started happening so fast. With Charley, I’d labored for hours, through multiple shift changes, pushed for 3 hours and came close to needing a C-Section to get him out, but this time, suddenly I was just…having a baby! I was mentally caught off guard, but really leaned on my doctor and nurses who were so calm and caring. I felt so supported and knew I could really put my trust in them to help me through the final stretch. I don’t consider myself super “woo-woo”, but I felt very connected to my doctor, my husband, my baby and all the people in that room during these final moments. All it took was a few well-timed pushes (which my doctor expertly navigated me through) and Edie was born. They immediately put her on my chest - the exact moment every mother cautiously waits 9 months for; when time stands completely still, the room quiets and suddenly the rest of the world fades away. The sun was starting to set, our favorite song was playing and in that moment, I felt complete. Just me and my baby. It’s a feeling I never want to forget and one I’ve thought of often over the last 12 weeks. Truly an overwhelming surge of happiness, love and relief to feel this living, breathing person in your arms when just moments ago they were inside and unborn. It will always amaze me. Still can’t believe it really happened.
So that’s the story of how Edie came to us; relatively easy, mostly pain-free and above all, safely. Our birth story is everything I hoped it would be and I feel so so lucky. And this time, my physical healing has been much easier too. Someone told me “you can’t have your second baby first” and I now fully understand what that means! I went in mentally prepared for the worst, but my recovery with Edie has been a lot gentler on my body. Overall, I took things really easy the first few weeks and on days when I didn’t, my body reminded me to pull back. We were lucky to have family around to help this time (we didn’t with Charley…) and that also allowed me to focus on my recovery and bonding with Edie, vs worrying about cooking, cleaning and looking after Charley.
So to anyone reading this who is preparing for an upcoming birth, whether it’s your first or you’ve been through it before, my advice is to have a plan, but be flexible. Speak up for yourself and ask lots and lots of questions along the way; you’re entitled to know what is happening to your body and your baby. You always have options. Find an OB practice you love - connect with one doctor as your primary, but see a few others for appointments along the way since there’s always a chance your doctor won’t actually deliver your baby. Nurses are angels - bring them some goodies (we gave out cookies from our favorite restaurant!). Trust the process and let go - your body knows what to do. You can do it!!
P.S. Funny story - I found out about midway through my pregnancy that my doctor was also pregnant and was starting her maternity leave around the time of my due date. She ended up having her baby the day before me in the same hospital :)
