One of the most common questions I'm asked is what to get someone who is recently diagnosed or undergoing treatment for cancer. It's such a thoughtful question and it can be so hard to know how to offer support to people in this position. Often, friends or family members will feel helpless and unsure of how to "be there" for their loved one. So, with the holidays coming up, it seemed like a fitting time to do a little gift guide specific to anyone experiencing a cancer diagnosis. Below are some of the things that meant the most to me (and I used all the time!), but really, any expression of love and support is so appreciated, and that doesn't have to be expensive, or even material. I received so many handwritten notes and texts that really lifted me up and reminded me that even though I was being challenged, I was not alone. But, if you're looking for a way to brighten someone's day with a lovely little surprise, here are a few ideas:
Bath Soak - This should come as a surprise to no one, but I spent an incredible amount of time in my bathtub throughout treatment; chemotherapy and cancer meds are notorious for causing bone pain, which necessitates a lot of deeeeeep soaks. Things like bath salts and oils are guaranteed to be used, and also a way to elevate the everyday, making routine things feel a bit more special. (This little kit looks great!)
Little Luxuries - Now would be a great time to spoil this person and get them something they normally wouldn't get for themselves. I found the most thoughtful gifts were everyday items that felt special, like this little tea set (bonus points for peppermint to soothe an upset tummy or green tea with tons of known cancer fighting properties!).
Flowers - Ok, ok, okaaaay, this one seems SUPER obvious, but getting flowers delivered always made me feel so loved and I loved arranging them. I spent a lot of time at home, and this was a way to really brighten up my space. Point being, you can't go wrong with flowers y’all. (I love The Bouqs or Farmgirl Flowers)
Pajamas - I've always been a bit of a pajama snob and during treatment, they were essentially my uniform. This Pima cotton bundle makes a great gift - shorts or pants, depending on how they’re feeling. And the fabric is so soft and comfy. Here’s another great lounge-y option in cotton modal and of course, J.Crew's classic menswear inspired sets. It's nice to feel a little put together and a fresh, new set of PJ's does just the trick.
Gift Box - I received this Simone Leblanc Gift Box from a friend and it was so special. It has a little bit of everything and made me feel so loved. You can also customize a box, but honestly, everything in it was an absolute delight (raw honey, ayurvedic chocolates, etc.). They're a bit pricey, so maybe split it with another friend?
Nontoxic Cleaning Supplies - Ok, this one might seem odd, but I was looking for every possible way to "clean up my act" so to speak after being diagnosed and took a long, hard look at some of the products I was using. Sending a starter pack of non-toxic cleaning supplies is a great way to give them a gift they can really use long term. Better yet? Arrange a cleaning service appointment so they come home from treatment to a sparkling, clean home. (My advice is to directly organize this with a caregiver or relative, rather than the person being treated.)
A Good Book - There's a lot of downtime when you're in treatment and for me, books were a relaxing way to escape and bide the time. I got so many great books as gifts; I loved it! I am a total Kindle addict and think it makes the perfect gift (it's lightweight and can hold an entire library of titles!). If they've already got a Kindle, send them your favorite book (this is easy to do digitally via Amazon) or get them a gift card to the Kindle shop so they can pick something out themselves.
Hand Wash & Lotion - Cancer patients are washing their hands…a lot. Couple that with the drying effects of Chemo, hydration is much needed. This Aesop kit is one of my favorites and it comes with a travel size hand sanitizer, but really, anything that's hydrating and moisturizing is great. Bonus points for something with a neutral scent!
Essential Oil Diffuser - My husband got me a diffuser early on in my treatment and it was such a thoughtful gift. I'd recommend a starter pack with a few different essential oils because some smells can be a huge turnoff during chemotherapy. I found the lavender oil to be really neutral and soothing, but there are tons to choose from.
Cozy Blanket - This cozy blanket has recently come into my life and I am obsessed. It's just so soft and feels like a nice, big hug, which is what you really need during this time. I also think this cashmere wrap makes an amazing gift and I used mine all the time during treatment. Chemo sessions can be long and it’s nice to have something to cuddle up with.
Cashmere Socks - I was gifted this pair of cashmere socks early on in my diagnosis and they quickly became an absolute essential. I wore them to every treatment and they kept me nice and warm on those marathon days. You know what, while you're at it, get a pair for yourself.
A Reeeeally Nice Hat - A few of my girlfriends chipped in and generously purchased me a gift certificate to a luxe hat company (thank you, you know who you are!), which was such a wonderful way for me to still feel somewhat stylish during a strange time. Best of all, the hats are beautiful and so wellmade, I continue to love wearing them even now that my hair is growing back!
Something Sweet - A friend sent me a gift pack of Jeni's Ice Cream when I deep in the thick of treatment dealing with some super painful mouth sores that made eating solid food a challenge. It was a huge mood booster (who doesn't love ice cream!?) and so fun to try a bunch of different flavors.
Silk Pillow Case & Eye Mask - This one might seem a little indulgent, but my silk pillowcase was a godsend for my brittle chemo hair and super sensitive scalp. An eye mask is a total bonus and would be great to get some shut eye during treatment which are often done in a bright, noisy infusion center.
Robe - Speaking of sleepwear, my best friend surprised me with the most luxe bathrobe of all time (In a strange twist of fate, she happened to be visiting San Francisco from New York when I was newly diagnosed!) and I can honestly say I LIVED in it. It's still the thing I reach for every morning and makes me feel so cozy. If you're gifting this to a cancer patient, consider finding a robe with a hood; once I lost my hair, I would get quite chilly on my head and having a hood was so nice. If you’re in the market for something lighter weight (but still cozy!) I also have and love this robe.
Other ways to offer support that are actually suuuuper helpful:
“Do You Need A Ride?” - I can't tell you how big this one is and it seems really simple, but driving myself to and from endless doctors appointments was a huge energy suck. Taking taxis or Ubers was expensive, but usually my default as it meant I could easily go door to door without searching for parking, blah blah blah. If you can offer someone a ride to and from a doctor's appointment, you have done your good deed for the year :) Alternatively, an Uber or Lyft gift card is a great way to offset this expense if you can’t offer a ride.
Chemo Buddy - Things of course are different with COVID, but I was lucky enough to have a Chemo Buddy who joined me for nearly all 16 of my treatments. My husband was also there, but my Chemo Buddy (who is also my IRL Best Friend, Hi Ash!) was physically there by my side and helped get me water, snacks, adjusting pillows, getting me comfortable or calling for the nurse if I needed anything extra. She helped me get to and from the bathroom and she was there to help me remember important information that my chemo brain did not compute.
Childcare - Because we don't live near family, coordinating childcare during treatment became quite tricky. If you're able to, offering to babysit, even for an hour is a tremendous weight off the patient's shoulders. I wasn’t able to take care of Charley in the way I would have liked, but knowing he was in good hands allowed me to focus on myself.
Food - I received a lot of well meaning messages from friends who wanted to help and would say things like "Let me know when you want me to bring some dinner!", and while the intent was good, it meant the ball was in my court to ask for help, which was just another thing for me to manage. Instead, saying something like "I'm in your neighborhood and I'm dropping off a hot meal.", or "I just ordered dinner from my favorite Italian place; it's on the way and will be to you in 20 minutes!" makes it easy for the person to accept the help without any effort required on their end. If they live with a spouse or partner who can help you coordinate these details, even better. I had friends leave homemade ravioli from a local institution and it was such a great gift. In addition to feeding me, it fed my family and it bears repeating that a cancer patient doesn't go through this alone!
I also recommend looking into a grocery delivery service. Early on, some friends sent me a box of organic fruits and veggies, which was super thoughtful as grocery shopping wasn’t something I had the energy for. Meal kits, or easy things like Daily Harvest are also a great way to make sure the cupboard is never bare.
Check In - Really, the most important thing is just to be there. Sending a no-obligation text message like, "Hi! No need to respond, just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you!" means the world. If you can physically be there, that's great too, but regular check-in's go a long way. And just remember, Cancer doesn't end when treatment stops. Likely this person will continue to feel the effects of this major life event for a long time to come, so be patient and gentle with them, and continue to find ways to check in on their mental health as they process things.
xx Dulci